I SAW HIM!

For 9 months I saw him everyday, talked to him 50 times a week and had him on my mind 24 hours a day. It all ended on the 10th of august, and exactly 6 weeks and 5 days later we did not talk, or see each other whatsoever. Until now. 6 weeks and 5 days later, I see him right in front of me while I was driving out of the car park. I was compltely unprepared and shocked as hell! I was with 2 of my friends and the car went silent as we passed him by. We were all stunned, and none of us were ready for what happened. I was so overwhelmed, that I felt like I had to stop and breathe, but I didnt want him to think I was waiting for him, so I kept driving. As soon as my eyes met his, I looked away trying not to hit him with my car, even though it would have been an awesome thing to do (;D). After that, I dont know how he reacted. However, my friend who was sitting next to me told me that he had actually stopped and completely turned his head in the opposite direction. Hmmm??? After she told me, I had some sort of panic attack. I went from a laughing, to a crying, to a screaming fit. I just didnt understand how after going from talking to each other for 9 months, to not even seeing each other for 2 months, how he could turn away like that. I overanalysed the whole thing all night, and woke up feeling rotten and guilty. I actually felt bad for what happened between us.

But it takes someone you confide in - a good friend to remind you. That what mine did -she reminded me why I left him in the begining. Reminded me how bad he was for me, and how I would never ever be happy with him no matter how hard I try. And for once, especially after what I wintnessed the other day, I dont hate him. In fact, I feel badly for him. For his inabilty to grow up. Seriously, Im not being sarcastic, I do believe that he's still a boy that will never change. Im over trying to figure out what he's thinking, and what he's doing with his time, and if he's moved on. Just so sick of it. Im moving on, to hell with it all, Im 20 once, I dont want to spend it overthinking stupid unworthy things.

So thats it Saudi guy. This is the end, good luck to you, and I hope that one day you will grow up and think outside the box. Im over it. Im over you.

I SAW HIM!

OMG TONIGHT IS A GREAT NIGHT - I hope it lasts

ITS AWESOME cuz I dont hate him! I just dont care! WOAH! Is this the start of something new? Am I finally accepting this? I dno, but I hope so.
Mum told me that the only reason Im feeling empty is cuz no one is there to fill the void. Its not cuz I miss him, or wanna be with him, but cuz Im not the type of person to fall into and out of relationships just like that - my love is genuine, and is only deserves someone who is worthy enough (and lucky enough) to have it. SO, patience is the key here.

Here we go....

Cry, Scream, Fight; ... Discover, Realise, and become...

Today was the first time I cried my heart out since the break up. It felt nice. Like Im finally letting go, slowly but surely.

But its ok, because every tear makes me realise how much of a mistake it was to get involved with a guy like him.

Everything about him was so wrong LOL! Something was seriously wrong with man!

There WAS something wrong. I want my life to fast forward, I want to be in a place that I feel like im missing out on. The problem is, that its coming, and all I have to do is be patient. After all, they say that good things come to those who are patient.

I will rely on God.

I will live my life, learn from my mistakes, and keep going.

This isnt the end, this is the beginging to something bigger and better. This is a roadblock that I need to open my eyes to the things that I really want in a guy. My skin is thinker, my eyes are open wider, and my experiences have made me wiser - hopefully.

Today, I looked at you, and laughed. In your face. It was awesome.

It was aweomse because I've never seen you in this light before. Last time I talked to you was 3 weeks ago, August 12 to be exact, and I havent seen you since. Although I would expect that from a coward. You going into hiding and shit. Its in your nature. I didnt actually see you physically, but I saw a pic of you on facebook on a mutual friend's album, and realised why everyone I have ever known always told me that I had bad taste in guys. This time, however, I could see it too. You're ugly. Everything about you is ugly. Your smug look, your 'Im gonna squint in this picture tryna pull off the smoky eye effect' pose, your big upper body and embaressingly time lower half. You have no ass, too much curly hair, and you wear shit that makes you look like a douche. I guess it totally fits your personality. Im dreading the day I will see you again though, but not because Im scared of how I will feel, but because I wouldn't know how to treat you. If it would be up to me, I would be with my friends, having the time of my life, while you were walking alone like the loser that you are and I would look you straight in the eye, and look away as if you and I had never met. But thats not gonna happen - its too good to be true. Anyway, when I saw the picture of you, I laughed. So hard! Because I didnt get the sinking feeling I usually do when I see anything related to you, and I didnt miss you. For once, I didnt miss you.

And if you happen to be reading this, I want you to know something: I hope that one day Ill stop hating you, and wishing you all the misery in this world. I hope one day I will genuinely be happy for you and wish you the very best. But right now, even though I claim to be over you, I still hate you ... but dont worry, Im working on it.