Does it ever end?

So Ive gotten over it, right? Right! Unless I see or hear anything about him that will emotionally terminate my senses and restrict me from thinking straight. ITs happened before. When Ive forced myself to smile, to laugh and to pretend that he's just another dick, when in actual fact, I couldnt stop thinking about him every morning when I woke up, every night before I went to bed, and every hour in between. However, during that time, I took every oppurtunity to verbally beat him to a pulp to anyone who would listen. Make him out to be a complete loser with absolutely no moral standards and no human emotion. I would convince myself that I was over him, but how could I have been? My mother told me that if I was truly over him, I wouldnt hate him, because hate itself is an emotion. When one of my girlfriends informed me that he was talking to a mutual female friend of ours, it drove me insane. Jealousy itself would be jealous of me. I was full of hate for him, and anyone remotely linked to him, including his roomate. I was surprised by how much of what I heard bothered me. After all, I didnt care....did I ?I mean, all the thoughts I was having about him were negative, and all the feelings inside of me were angry pent up frustrations, so why was I reacting like this?

Ill tell you why; because Im human. But not any just any type of human being ... Im a woman. I care when I shouldn't have to, I cry when its not a big deal, and I pour my heart and soul into things that are just not worth it. I should have known that it wasn't gonna be easy; That I wouldnt wake up the next morning with amnesia of everything that's transpired over the last few months, without the pain, the suffering, and the regret; but wihtout these, how would I have learnt from my mistake? How would I have matured or discovered things about me that I hadn't known before. This emotional scar will heal Im sure, but it will forever be a reminder of the strength I had to move on, to look away from all the bullshit I went through and to prevent myself from a life of shit. Because yes, this wasn't just a matter of playing around with a guy, it was something more serious than that. It was lifetime decision. Marriage. to a saudi guy! Can you believe. . . .

THey say love is blind, but I couldnt have been that blind, surely?